STRUGGLING LOCAL DRUG RING IN REALITY A FRONT FOR A THRIVING SURF SHOP BUSINESS

In this economy, with regulations loosening on their business each day, you could be forgiven for passing by the nearly empty storefront on 743 E. Grant Ave while asking yourself, “How do they stay in business?” It’s only natural. The storefront is mostly bare. Sitting inside at a busted folding table on a white, plastic lawn chair is a lone scumbag who scrolls through his phone.

“I mean,” one resident of the neighborhood, Carol Johnson, was heard to say, “I know they’re selling drugs, but no one ever goes in there. How are they selling enough drugs to keep that place open?”

This is the question that has been on everyone’s mind in the downtown district over the last four months that the drug ring has been in business.

That is, until the police raided the local drug ring at three o’clock in the morning.

“Turns out,” a startled Johnson told us, “They sold surf stuff out of the back.”

“It makes total sense,” Johnson’s significant other added. “I mean, they were obviously not making any money on drugs. The drug trade around here is almost non-existent. The closest place people are unhappy with their lives is The Gulf Coast.”

“We became suspicious of the business when they added a second guy sitting there on his phone,” Police Sergeant Michael Phillips told us. “The level of business done by this drug ring wouldn’t necessitate the adding of a second staff member. When you combine that with the number of Woodies and beachcomber bikes parked out front, it was almost like they weren’t even trying to hide it.”

Sources tell us that police were able to confiscate six surfboards and nine pairs of board shorts. The sole occupant of the premises was discovered attempting to flush a pair of Toms shoes when the raid took place.

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